Home for the Holidays, Parents and Students Learn to Adjust

Parents and students had the opportunity to hear from a panel of RIT staff members in the Carlson Auditorium about the adjustments and transitions families face six weeks into the quarter and what to expect when students come home for their first holiday break.

The first quarter or semester in college can be difficult for both parents and students, and there are many factors that can increase anxiety, such as being an only child, single parent, or an international student who flies home once or twice a year.

Thanksgiving break is the first formal holiday RIT students have. If they go home, it is after 11 weeks of intense work and final exams. Parents were advised to recognize that their son or daughter spent time adjusting to a new environment and social situations, heavier work loads, and how to be self-sufficient. Director of Residential Life, Chuck Lamb, said, “They will be tired. Let them sleep.”

The moderator for the presentation, Jennifer Hinton, a senior academic advisor in Golisano College of Computing and Information Sciences, agreed. She shared a story from her college days. “When I went home, my mom wanted to go shopping and out to lunch because she missed me so much. But all I wanted to do was rest a while,” Hinton said.

It is normal for students to take a day or two to recover. If family members want to see them, just hold off.

Many parents have questions about how to interact with their kids when they come home. This is a time when parents and children begin to relate to each other as intimate friends, rather than the hierarchical parent-child.

First Year Enrichment is a mandatory course for freshmen designed to help them make a smooth transition between high school and college life. “Now is the time when you sit next to each other on the couch, rather than across one another at the table,” said Daniele Connors, a First Year Enrichment instructor.

Another thing parents can do before a holiday break is to observe their child. “Listen to what they talk about on the phone,” said Associate Director of the Counseling Center, Kathleen Kane. “Begin with what you’ve noticed before you start up with a lot of questions,” Kane added.

The quarter system goes by quickly. Students may not know what has been changing, so it helps to give them some time to let it sink in, before you, as a parent, start to with questions about what they’ve been doing.

What if parents don’t want to know everything their student is doing, but they do want to know some things? This was a question asked by one parent in the audience. “Get a Facebook page,” Lamb said.

This may sound like a horrifying idea for some students, but one mother that already had a Facebook page reminded him, “Your child has to friend you first before you can look on their page.” The room filled with laughter.

You learn to go with the flow and you should take some cues from your child. Parents and students have different expectations about the rules when they come home. Curfew was a popular topic. One mother offered a solution that worked with her family. Rather than waiting up until three in the morning, ask your child to knock on your bedroom door and tell you they made it home safe.

RIT’s Ombudsperson, Lee Twyman, agreed and said that type of behavior parallels mutual respect that parents and children must begin to build together. Another thing to remember is that students may be home again in three weeks for the Christmas break. Hinton reminded parents of the differences in the two holidays. At Thanksgiving, students have no work to think about, because the quarter ended. In December, they are in the middle of a quarter and so their stress levels are different.

It will help both parents and students to communicate by not forcing anything. “Even though parents want to protect their children from all the struggles in college,” Twyman continued, “Students need to strengthen their own wings and learn to fly on their own.”

Students: Remember to call your mother or father on Sunday.

For parents interested in staying up to date on all the events happening at RIT from home, visit www.rit.edu.